On the Difficulty to Retire as We Age: e.g. Joe Biden
The decision to "let go" as we age and cut back on our projects is one of the hardest choices we'll have to make in our lifetime. The pressure we face can be overwhelming! The message is clear: "Never give up! Overcome all obstacles! Succeed! Success is so deeply ingrained in our society that, if you don't succeed at what you're doing, the only possible conclusion is that you've failed. The notion of "letting go" is thus synonymous with failure. Nothing could be further from the truth. On the contrary, letting go is an act of bravery and maturity.
Some weeks ago, President Biden tried to acknowledge and mitigate concerns about his ability to hold on to the job of President. "I know I'm not a young man, to state the obvious," he said after a disastrous debate against Donald Trump. "I don't walk as easy as I used to. I don't speak as smoothly as I used to. I don't debate as well as I used to." However, he continued, "I know, like millions of Americans know, that when you get knocked down, you get back up."
He was asking Americans to see themselves in him, and to view his debate performance as both an aberration and a continuation of who he has always been: a man who may suffer and stumble, but whose ambition, commitment and self-confidence withstand insults and injuries.
The transformative journey of “letting go” as we age and enter retirement
The leader blues
Letting go of control and power is so trying for some leaders that they insist on retaining their position of power even if they feel they have accomplished their mission, are no longer happy with their performance, feel isolated, empty or unfulfilled, have exhausted every challenge and no longer have a clear sense of direction!
The prospect of coming down from the top and becoming a nobody hardly appeals to them. As former President Ronald Reagan once said: "Two weeks ago, I retired. I'm glad it's over! I didn't like it. It took all the fun out of Saturdays".
The physical effects of aging
The stage in life when individuals usually reach a position of top leadership coincides with the time when the effects of aging start to become more noticeable.
As we age, we are increasingly subjected to wear and tear, fatigue, illness and stress. "Frailty", described by geriatrician and public health expert Dr Linda Fried, is a generalized decline in physiological resistance to stress, injury and disease. It is the result of diminished functional capacities: declining vision and hearing, weakened muscles, brittle bones, the brain suffering silent strokes, hardened arteries and stress on the most hard-working organs, which not even a lifetime of healthy habits can fully prevent. This clinical frailty often manifests itself as a shifting ratio of good days and bad days.
Growing old often means gaining wisdom, experience and even happiness, but it also means becoming more vulnerable to physical and emotional stress.
The psychological effects of aging
The experience of nothingness or a reduced sense of purpose. For those whose "mental space" was dominated their entire working life by the fierce resolve to rise to the pinnacle of power while meeting the limitless demands of their position, losing one's "raison d'être" or the very essence of one's life is clearly very hard. As the saying goes, no one grows old while living; on the contrary, we grow old when we begin to lose the zest for life. Anyone who becomes so preoccupied with personal loss and vulnerability is likely to become mired in depressive thoughts. The idea of letting go of power and responsibility, which only exacerbates vulnerability, is indeed an unattractive proposition. As a result, people may act foolishly, resisting the inevitability of change.
The experience of the loss of our identity. The transition to retirement represents a loss of continuity in the well-established structure of work and life that has served us as a major anchor to our identity. The impact of retirement on our identity is all the more traumatic when our job was its primary source. Realistically, the things we put our heart and soul into are often an extension of our identity, of our perceived self-image. When faced with the prospect of having to let go of something we consider an extension of ourselves, we may feel as though we're losing a part of ourselves: "If this project/business/person goes away, who am I without it?” It's another facet of letting go, since we have to let go of the idea that whatever we've created will take a piece of us with it when it goes away.
The edifice complex. Our fear of nothingness and the associated depression are reinforced by our need to leave a legacy. A common concern among leaders is to trust their successors to preserve the "monument" they've taken so long to build – the organization or program that embodies their dream. For those who suffer from an edifice complex, who dread to see their legacy destroyed, every effort is made to hold on to their position.
Strategies for moving on and finding closure
To be clear, letting go doesn't mean quitting. It's about accepting what is and allowing ourselves to move on, despite not having achieved the result we originally intended. It's a more evolved approach than beating a dead horse simply because of prevailing conventions that reinforce the notion of never quitting, never stopping, never giving up, always going for it,...
· Get it out of your head: we are more likely to catastrophize when we keep our anxieties in our heads. By expressing our concerns out loud, we have a better chance of hearing the illogical reasoning underlying our actions. Talking to a trusted ally is even better, as we may tend to rationalize our own behaviors, whereas an independent person will be more likely to tell it as it really is.
· Make a list of pros and cons: analyze your intentions and what impact they have on your life, work, energy, mental health and more; if you begin to see an unequal weight on the downsides, that becomes a reason to let them go. While the intention may seem all-important, if the intention and the impact aren't aligned, then there's obviously something wrong.
· It's important to find closure and put the past behind us so we can move forward. We need to accept what is to find peace in the present. At the same time, we need to redefine our goals and chart a new course.
Final thoughts
In the best of circumstances, pre-planning always proves invaluable. Because more often than not, a separation happens suddenly, confronting us with a situation for which we are neither prepared nor ready.
As we navigate the delicate balance between what was and what can be, “letting go” creates space for new beginnings with the promise of a brighter future. The opportunities to explore new ways of reinventing ourselves are literally endless.
Ultimately, passing the torch of leadership to younger talent with fresh ideas and new approaches can prove reassuring and rewarding, while also leaving a lasting legacy.
